10 Things I’m Over: A New Kind of Discipline

I’m giving up. 

I’ve been prone to thinking Discipline was the devil, but I’m second-guessing that one lately. That ol’ Devil’s a smart one, ha! parading discipline around like a punishment:  making me think that depriving myself of processed, refined sugary, salty food is torture, that calming my mind with meditation, or working out is painful work.  I’m begining to to think discipline’s NOT what I thought it was.

Discipline, it winds up, is like that tooth, when you were a kid, when it was just about to fall out, you pressed on it with your tongue and even though it hurt, there was an underlying satisfying, uncommonly good feeling.

But I have never thought discipline was good. Having grown up on a farm, my experience with the demanding discipline of manual labor was intense, and I wasn’t a fan of hard work, what wants to wake up 5:30am every morning and feed sows, bale hay all summer and milk cows until bedtime? Based on that past experience, I think I’ve lumped all discipline under the heading: “Nope, thanks.”

But as I examine my choices, I’m starting to think that “bad” is an unfortunate way to interpret discipline.

As is human nature, yoga teaches us that when we judge things as good or bad, we get attached to that meaning, and spend our lives either desiring good, or avoiding bad. In my mind:

Discipline+Bad=Get the heck out of there! I don’t want THAT again!

I was running from discipline, I couldn’t see it was running after me, open-armed, inviting me back to it’s helping hands. Could discipline be Awesome? Well, let’s not get hasty, but could it be ok?

So I tried looking at the definition as a multiple choice.

Definition of DISCIPLINE

1  : punishment (check, please)

2 obsolete : instruction (I’m listening…)

3  a field of study (alrighty then…)

4  : training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character (I could certainly put this to good use…)

5 a : control gained by enforcing obedience or order (NOPE, thanks)

b : orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior (sounds reasonable)

c : self-control (within reason)

Hint: CHOOSE 4!!!!!!

WHOA, what if discipline isn’t just a belt of punishment? What if it’s a DETACHMENT from the mind, from the incessant neediness of the world? Could it be a focused effort to let go of resenting my husband for not putting the dishes in the washer (it’s inches away, man).  Could discipline be actually be serving me, metaphorically tying my hands to save me from continually quarter-pounding my body with unhealthy “food” choices marketed to be “treats” and things “I deserve.” 

What I deserve is feeling good. I deserve to open a jar without stiff hands (freedom I found on a sugar fast!).  A treat would be to wake-up clear minded, peaceful, and in the flow of everything, like I do when I meditate.

What? Discipline is not a crotchety old school marm, but a breath of fresh air allowing me to feel amazing? Where’s the catch?

An apt yoga student asks, “I would, but I procrastinate.”  Then and there I realized, with my newfound re-defining of discipline, that there’s a reason for procrastination, and it’s not all this “self-sabotage” crap I hear over and over. Your deepest highest self is not involved in any secret droning mission on my dreams, thankyouverymuch, Illuminiati. 

The reason we procrastinate is because we become ENGAGED
with the PROBLEM, and get overwhelmed (for good reason) by our worry about it. There’s a quick and easy way to get over procrastination: stop worrying about it. Take one piece at a time, ALLOW yourself a rest period then navigate in a different direction. Swami Ed said, “There’s a time for everything, for gathering information, for digesting information, for making decisions, for carrying out each aspect, for changing one’s mind.” I think procrastination is the symptom that comes from 2 things:

1. We don’t believe in what we’re asking ourselves to do, and we just can’t pressure ourselves into committing this heinous crime against humanity.

2. We’re trying to plant the seed, grow the seed, harvest the seed, and make everyone help us cook it in ONE DAY. #overwhelmed $laying in bed #procrastination. So I’m over procrastination as a “Bad Thing.” Procrastination is my friend, is awesome, alerting me when I’m absurdly trying to do it all in one day, and overwhelming myself. Thanks, procrastination, aye aye skipper, one pile of spooge at at time.

So I hereby relinquish my negative feelings towards discipline, and make my new discipline, as my Swami said, “Too good to NOT to practice.” And I hereby make it a practice of peace, not perfect.

So just as I am over my old definition of discipline, there are 10 things I’m disciplining myself to let go of, because the time has come: I’m over it.

THINGS I’M OVER:

10. Feeling bad about myself

9.  Feeling bad about others, probably stemming from #10

8. Trying to control everything

7. Thinking I have control over anything but myself, wild enough

6. Recreational worrying

5. Doubt in myself, miracles, unicorns

4. Putting myself/my personal practice last, if at all 

3. Creating practices that feel punishing

2. Sugar (unless it’s truly a confection, and then sparingly)

1. Everything & Anything that would cost my peace, health and freedom.