Forgive, Don’t Forget.

5. Recognize that even when that person is not around, the suffering continues.   Consider that the suffering is coming from our own attachment to the issue. It happened. It is. (We want to say, BUT IT WAS BAD!)    Perhaps, but in order to truly let go, we have to let go of the negative charge that binds us to having to fix it.  Allowing situations to be a lesson, lets us exhume the wisdom, release the pain, get to the point where, yes, it was bad at the time, but still “it is.” Some aspect of you is unafraid, unhurt and is ready to learn from this situation, rather than fight, deny, or simmer in it.

4. Realize that forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was “right.”  It just means that you no longer carry it. In fact, go for it: set up an appropriate boundary out of the WISDOM you have gained. For example, if you don’t like being taken advantage of, set up a boundary for yourself and others and make sure that when you are giving to others, you are doing out of an abundance of health, wellness and financial ability, that you are giving unconditionally, NOT because you are expected to, or you hope to get something back. When others take advantage, recognize it by the gut feeling you get. Visualize those who “suck” your energy or suck you into negativity like a rope being thrown out to draw you in to creating tension in your life. The tension only comes when you pick up the other end of the rope. Focus on dropping any ropes that pull you out of feeling good about yourself. Put an early stop to it, communicate to others when you have a gut feeling, SAY NO THANK YOU, and focus your energies on relationships that are nourishing and healthy.

3. Forgive yourself for being in the place/space to have been hurt in the first place. Allow yourself to learn from this situation. You may be confused. Allow yourself to be confused, hurt, angry, all of it. Simply let those feelings be, without fueling them for an extended period of time.

Emotional problems happen because

1. Emotions are pushed down, not dealt with, and pop out as an illness later
2. Emotions are OVERindulged-in, fueled, re-told to anyone who will listen 
3. There is an appropriate time to deal with grief, anger, fear, worry, etc. Which is to say that when it comes up, honor it, allow it, become conscious that is a PASSING sensation there to alert you to deepen your awareness, not to be ignored or flogged.

2. Practice forgiving during times when it is easy: when someone forgets to pick up milk, or your child spills some. Practice how EASY it is to let go during simple times, in order to prepare for the tough ones. Forgiveness is divine, have you ever been forgiven when you didn’t deserve it? Recall that overwhelming emotion of gratitude. Offer it as your practice.

1. Find the freedom in forgiveness. Some of us don’t realize, until we’ve actually forgiven someone, how freeing it is. If you have trouble forgiving, start by saying out loud “I want to forgive _________ for _____” Sometimes even saying the words allows us one step closer to letting go forever.