HELP! I’m Worried About My Mom

Hi, Anne.

I know we talk about calming the mind, and peace being goals of yoga.  I totally get it.  Now, I need to ask your help/guidance in a situation that has come up.  My mom is very sick and weak and is in the hospital.  They don’t know what’s causing it. However, last night I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking of my mom – past, present and future – what would happen?  All that stuff that our minds do.  I remember thinking ok, this is attachment to an outcome that I want her to get better.  I was so proud to recognize that, and then thought ok, now what?  How do I stop thinking all these thoughts?  They haven’t said there’s no hope, so I’m thinking I’m just scared and need to have more faith.  But when I see her so weak and small in the hospital it scares me. 

I think I slept maybe 4-5 hours last night.  At about 2:30 I got up and decided to do some yoga which helped.  

Are there any sutras that might be helpful or insights/wisdom you can share that might help?  I’m very close to my mom and this is very scary – I just need to figure out how to navigate this whole thing….

Thanks so much.

Lori

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Oh Lori,

I am thinking of you, and wishing you peace, for sure. Well, in yoga, they say that our familial attachments are the most substantial ones to work with. You love your mom, you are attached, and that’s ok.  There is an amount of acceptable suffering with our parents/children, is there not? It’s ok to suffer sometimes. 

Realizing suffering is natural, normal, and useful, even,  helps us move into acceptance, which helps us move into the present moment, and to let go of what we wish/want/don’t want. And still, we are householders, not enlightened Sages, so we have a certain high-level of attachments to deal with.

Again, you are deeply, and perhaps primally attached to your mother, and that is completely normal and ok, and  beautiful, even.  

That being said, you need to sleep, so in order to work on detachment and thereby enjoying peace:

1. Consider the mantra: Om Namaha. Which means “not mine.” Remembering that we are not actually “owners or of a “right” to have others in our lives, and that they are a gift, reminds us of gratitude and love, which are highest of energies, and can be very grounding/healing/relaxing.  

2.  It feels kind of helpless, so: Why not create a small alter, or if you already have one, place picture of your mother there, and light a candle, pray for her highest good to be achieved. Prayer is magnificently empowering.

3. You may also acknowledge any fears and speak them aloud, in front of a mirror, this releases the  fear, into the open, where it can dissipate.  It’s a little like opening the clothset door and finding no boogie man. You may speak fears for your mom, and your fears for yourself. Realizing that change is the constant, and that our resistance is causing us pain, helps us to recognize the irrationality of fear. Releasing fear, creates space for faith. Know you are powerful, and you can also surround your mom and yourself with loving light, and peace. 

No matter where your mom is, you are deeply connected, and that will not change. Praying for highest good lets you off the hook to feel that a certain form is necessary for love to endure, you are loved, and will be loved no matter what. Much love to you, Lori, I pray for all of your highest good, and of course, peace. 

Much love and peace,
Anne Adametz, Acupuncture, Yoga Therapy & Self Care Advocate
Madison Office:  608-577-9642 (YOGA) 
Stoughton Hospital: 608.873.2366
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